When you suddenly start appearing as a different gender, people WILL notice.

I spent most of my younger years perpetually dressed as a boy. I enjoyed hunting, camping, sparring, exploring, and was always more of a leader & protector than a princess. Society seemed to tolerate my personality, my interests & my Dominant character traits more when I dressed as a man, and it was easier than being constantly gender policed. So, until I stopped caring so much about what others thought, I dressed for the path of least resistance. I dressed as a boy, until the day I decided, ‘fuck it, it’s my life, I’m living it the way I want, and wearing what I want.’

My transition from tomboy to femme vixen came with a lot of flack. I went from being an asexual curiosity to a hyper-objectified gossip piece in record time. Those around me couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that my new clothes were for me; there wasn’t a ‘special someone’ (male, female, or otherwise) who was responsible for the change, and I wasn’t ‘advertising’ for a special someone to appear. I had simply stopped caring so much about what other people thought, and wore what I wanted, what felt the best against my skin, and what I liked the most.

Shortly afterwards, I experienced 1st hand the phenomenon that other ladies had been dealing with for years.

Guys who’d never looked at me before suddenly decided that since I was wearing clothes that clearly designated me as female, I was obviously ‘asking for it’. I enjoyed proving to them that they were obviously ‘asking for’ a beat down; even as their casual sexism, misogyny, and horny-dick-must-fill-hole mentality sickened me. I was attacked more than once for saying ‘no’ & making it stick; and someone attempted to dose me at a campus event.

I got a crash course lesson about the dangers of being female in a world where some pathetic pricks think they’re entitled to women’s bodies, but I managed to fight them off.

I am well aware that others are not as fortunate.

My transition to self-acceptance & living my life on my terms wasn’t nearly as harrowing, dangerous, or dramatic as some of those in the trans community. I outwardly appear to be an attractive cis-female; I’m engaged to an attractive cis-male. On the surface, we appear to be a classic hetero-normative couple. I am a demiromantic pansexual sadist and Dominant, but those are all things that fly beneath the radar in society for the most part. My transition from tomboy to “Wait, you’re a Girl?!” was by far the most dramatic and violent time in my personal life, but now those around me hardly remember there was a time when I actively appeared and dressed as the opposite sex.

James & I are not subject to anywhere near the harassment, heckling, or prejudicial treatment of same sex couples, trans couples, or visibly non-binary individuals. Gender dysphoria, depression, and the repulsive actions of intolerant individuals reacting out of bigotry, close-mindedness and transphobia, homophobia, and misogyny, are all very real dangers & concerns facing the trans & LGBT community.

I want you to know that even if I can’t fully understand what you’re going through, I can empathize.

I’ve struggled to live as my truest self, to be who I knew I was on the inside, even when everything and everyone around me seemed geared to make me feel wrong, bad, or abnormal for simply existing. I want you to know that you are perfect the way you are. Humans are not binary. We’re not 0’s and 1’s. There are several billion people on this planet, and just as many ways to be human. No one gets to decide the right way to be you, except you. I’m here if you want to talk, to vent, to celebrate, or cry. You’re safe, and wherever you are on your journey to your truest self, I’d love to be there to help support you.

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