Well it finally happened- after weeks of playing hard and having the time of my life with my sissy girl, she has headed for the hills once again. This cycle has repeated itself over and over again, and I want to take a moment to try to work out my own feelings on this, if you’ll all indulge me. This is in no way to shame anyone who is experiencing the binging and purging cycle but instead serves to explore the experience of binging and purging from the Mistress POV.
The Shame Involved in Binging and Purging
The first thing that really gets to me is the experience of sissy internal shame that someone I care about is experiencing. My heart goes out to those who struggle with this internal sense of shame regarding their feminization, which of course is the root cause of binging and purging. Seeing someone you love beat themselves up for something as intimate and central to identity as their sexuality is a truly brutal experience. I want to rage against this shame and bring it to its knees, but how do you fight something that is an internal experience of someone else’s? This is a battle I can’t fight on behalf of anyone- this battle must be fought by the person experiencing the shame.
Impact of Binging and Purging in the World
What’s more, this cycle of binging and purging contributes to the perpetuation of harmful ideology in society. Every person who is made to feel less than because of who or what they desire helps reinforce this bs judgement and condemnation, even if its of the self. Not please understand, I do not blame those who succumb to the power of this internal shame for the perpetuation of it- most of the time, it is the external shame that triggers internal shame. I just want to recognize that there is a greater societal impact when it occurs.
Loss of Connection
Binging and purging also results in a loss of connection to my loved ones that I fiercely resent. When things are good, I feel our connection hum warmly in my chest, even when I am not in direct proximity to my loved one. The deep connection we have is almost spiritual in nature, and when severed, it fucking hurts. Again, I am not saying this to add to any sense of shame, but to let you know that you matter, there is value in your presence, and when taken away, there is a sense of loss. You are an important person in my life, and when we are separated, I miss the fuck out of you.
Internalized Shame with the Binging and Purging Cycle
Finally there is a sense of internal shame that I, as a Mistress, go through with a binging and purging cycle. I begin to feel like I am a dirty little secret instead of a treasured aspect of your life, or that I am responsible for the internal sense of shame that you feel. Now these feelings of mine are mine to own, mine to work through. I am not trying to pass on the culpability for these thoughts on anyone, just noting their existence. I am a capable adult women, a kickass woman, who is well adept at working through my own emotions, and the responsibility for that does lie with me.
Closing Thoughts
All this to say, binging and purging effects a femdom Mistress as much as it effects her sissies and subbies. When we are able to, we should all be vigilant in protecting ourselves, and our loved ones, from the ill effects of binging and purging. Everyone should be encouraged to explore their full humanity, including their full sexuality, for the short time we are given on this giant rock floating through the inky blackness of the universe. For all we know, we have but this one shot at life, and we should live it fully. If any of you struggling with a binging and purging cycle, I would love to hear from you. We could brainstorm ways to work through it together, so that the least amount of harm possible is wrought.
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Hi Ms Becky,
What a gentle rant! 🤭
Seriously, I understand where you are coming from and your sissy gurl too. Purging also happens with other types of “non-mainstream desires,” so this topic is so important.
I have found some advice that helps others to understand themselves, their desires, and their shame. This is not about humiliation or shame, “KINK,” although that stimulus enters the playing field, at times!
1- The voice of shame in your head is external; the voice you hear is not your own (you like cross-dressing ), but the voices you hear are from society in general, and from your social circle. You are replaying someone else’s message. Do you allow that? How do you move past that? Mistress can help!
2- You can’t change your friends, but you can change who your friends are! I know someone who was entrenched in conservative social groups, not that being conservative in itself is a bad thing, but it was an extreme groupl who are bigoted and closed-minded. Limit your exposure to them, find new “open-minded” friend groups. Not that they will necessarily “Come out” to them, but the message is quite different
3- Balance is key. In my experience, when a sissy or crossdresser finds themselves in a situation where they cannot freely express themselves as much as they may like, they grab and make the most of the time they do have. Meaning they go “WILD” buying, playing, and just “having a grand old blow out.” That takes a toll, mentally and physically, and when their “obsessive period” comes to a close, there’s a “DROP” not unlike subdrop…
Boy mode, girl mode days (or times) instructed by Mistress is one way to keep that balance, so you don’t have a hard crash!
4- Finally, put away, don’t purge way. Your feminine desires are not going away, you know that. They will return, and if you follow this one pc of advice, then when they do return you don’t have to worry about ill feelings of wasting time and money on things you throw out!
Sending my best to you and your girl!